> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.lettersfromtheabbey.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # How to talk about your spiritual direction practice - URL: https://www.lettersfromtheabbey.com/how-to-talk-about-your-spiritual-direction-practice/ - Published: 2026-08-26T16:32:07.000Z - Updated: 2026-08-26T16:32:07.000Z - Author: Peter White Last week I was invited to share with a group of spiritual directors what I’ve learned about having a spiritual direction practice from [*Book Yourself Solid*](https://bookyourselfsolid.com/?ref=lettersfromtheabbey.com) by Michael Port. There are precious few resources available for spiritual directors that provide guidance about how you find directees and that cover the administrative details of making a living without sounding like a hustle. I often find myself in conversations with spiritual directors who would really like to find more directees but aren't quite sure how. Port’s book is a resource for coaches and consultants, and so it needs a little bit of translation for an audience of spiritual directors. It’s a book packed with a lot of great information for thinking about business and marketing, skills that aren’t covered in many spiritual direction programs. They certainly weren’t in mine when I got a certificate back nearly 15 years ago. Because there’s so much helpful stuff in this book, we may break this up into a series of posts for spiritual directors who want to make a practice of either part-time or full-time work that can pay the bills. There are a number of versions of this book available. What I have on my shelf next to my desk is the [illustrated version](https://www.amazon.com/Book-Yourself-Solid-Illustrated-Marketing/dp/111849542X?ref=lettersfromtheabbey.com) published in 2013\. It looks like a [new updated and revised edition](https://bookshop.org/a/6923/9781394432561?ref=lettersfromtheabbey.com) comes out later this year. We’re going to assume that we’ve already had two conversations. First, we’ve already talked about spiritual direction as a vocation and calling. Your work is soaked in prayer and attunement with the Holy Spirit. You know your why-statement. You are actively doing the things, becoming the kind of person that a spiritual director is. That’s settled. Second, we’ve already talked about what money means to you and the role it plays in your practice of spiritual direction. Both of these conversations are big and important ones before we jump into the nitty-gritty details. Hopefully, these are conversations that were covered in your spiritual direction training. In what follows, take what works for you. Let the rest float by. Every spiritual director has to make choices about what is for them and what is not. It's important that you live out your calling from a place of authenticity, wisdom, and integrity. Chapter 4 in Book Yourself Solid is entitled “How to Talk About What You Do.” I think this is especially practical for spiritual directors. I live in an area where spiritual direction isn’t really known, and so I’m frequently having a coffee or lunch where I have to do some explaining. Port says we need to get rid of our elevator speech, and I completely agree. An elevator speech can feel canned, rehearsed, or robotic. Too often, it can come off as self-serving, which isn’t what we want to do when we want to make a genuine connection with someone. Instead, Port says we need to be prepared to have a meaningful conversation, which includes curious questions (perfect for the spiritual director) and five particular talking points that you should be ready to share at a moment’s notice. The five parts are: 1. **Your ideal directee** 2. **Their compelling needs and desires** 3. **How you help** 4. **The biggest benefit** 5. **Deeper core benefits they experience** Let’s explore them one at a time and then imagine what they might look like in a conversation. ## Your ideal directee Consider the people you most like to work with. When you’re new, it’s tempting to say yes to anybody who might possibly want to work with you. But that’s not always helpful for you or for them. Spiritual direction requires a sacred trust, and not everyone is a good fit. You can’t help everybody, so take some time to think about who you most enjoy helping. If you find this exercise challenging, you might start with thinking about the kinds of people who might benefit from spiritual direction. This can be pastors or ministry leaders, youth pastors, music leaders, or other church staff. It can be missionaries, church planters, parachurch ministry leaders, non-profit workers, Christian business leaders, people desiring to transition out of ministry. It can be people married to people who do work like this. Maybe seminary students, young people deconstructing, LGBTQIA, recent retirees, or other caregivers, like counselors, health care workers, or first responders. Perhaps it's people who speak a language other than English. Next, think about your own personal story includes these kids of people. Of all of these kinds of people, who do you most relate with? Who connects with you? Who do you like to help? **Know how you would complete the statement: “I help...”** ## Their compelling needs or desires When people meet with you for spiritual direction, what are they looking for? What big questions are they holding? Think about why someone (your ideal directee) would want to meet with you for spiritual direction. What are they looking for? This is their own personal answer to the same question [Jesus asks Bartimaeus](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark%2010%3A46-52&version=NLT&ref=lettersfromtheabbey.com): *“What do you want me to do for you?”* If they work in ministry, maybe they’re looking for relief from burnout, exhaustion, or stress. Maybe they need a listening ear, a sense of direction through a transition, or clarity around a big life decision or their sense of vocation. Maybe they feel like their spiritual life has hit a wall. Or the spiritual disciplines that used to work don’t work anymore. Our needs and desires often come to us as the big questions that we carry. *Where do I find safe community? How do I do ministry in a way that’s good for my soul? How do I know God’s presence?* **Once you know your ideal directee, think of at least three big questions they might be carrying that spiritual direction with you addresses.** ## How I help Keep connecting dots. How is it that you help these people? How does your practice of spiritual direction address their needs and desires? What do you do that makes a difference? This might include the way you ask curious, open-ended questions about their experience of God and their expectations of God. It might be listening to God together in silence or inviting them to experiment with particular spiritual practices. Paint the picture of what you do in a session, and what it feels like. Build their imagination with them. **You want to complete the sentence: “So I help them (my ideal directees) with those things (their needs and desires) by...”** Perhaps you listen with them as they listen for God. Or you pay attention together to the work of God in their life. ## The biggest benefit When people meet with you for spiritual direction, what do you hope they get out of it? What positive experience do they leave with? Why might they continue to work with you? What’s the single most important thing you want them to experience when they meet with you? If you don’t know, ask a few people who have worked with you or know you well. Think about the gifts and graces you have received from your spiritual director. This could be a peaceful presence, clarity in their discernment, a knowledge that they are not alone, or a prayerful support on their journey. **You want to finish the sentence: “I’d say the #1 thing people (my ideal directee) experience when they meet with me is...”** ## The deeper core benefits they experience Beyond the most important thing that you’ve just articulated, what else do people get from meeting with you? Perhaps this is a deeper growth in their mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Maybe it’s a new understanding of their God image. What good things do people experience in meeting with you for spiritual direction? **You want to finish the sentence: “What’s more, they (my ideal directees) experience some deeper core benefits like...”** ## Putting it all together Let’s take these five pieces and imagine what a short version of a conversation might be. Start with filling in the blanks: *I help \_\_\_\_\_\_ (my ideal directee) \_\_\_\_ (biggest benefit).* > Sarah: Nice to meet you, Peter. What do you do? > Peter: I’m a spiritual director. I help ministry leaders pay attention to God’s work in their lives. > Sarah: Oh, that’s very interesting. My brother-in-law works at a church. Can you help him? > Peter: Tell me a bit about what he does and what kind of support you think he might need. Rather than being a one-sided pitch, this has the potential to open up a dialogue that pairs your skills with the questions that are being carried. You're meeting a real need rather than promoting yourself. Or imagine a medium-sized version of a similar conversation. Think about filling in these blanks: *I help \_\_\_\[IDEAL DIRECTEE\] \_\_\_\[BIG RESULT\]. You know how \_\_\_\[IDEAL DIRECTEE\] \_\_\_\[NEEDS & DESIRES\]? Well, what I do is \_\_\_\[HOW I HELP\] and at the same time, they \_\_\_\[DEEPER BENEFITS\].* > Rob: Nice to meet you, Peter. What do you do for a living? > Peter: I’m a spiritual director. I help ministry leaders pay attention to how God is at work in their lives. > Rob: That sounds really interesting. > Peter: It really is. The ministry leaders I know love helping other people in their spiritual lives, but many don’t have their own healthy systems of support for their own soul care. > Rob: That sounds like a familiar story. Can I be honest with you? I’ve been doing ministry for 10 years, and I’m really worn out trying to pastor myself. I don’t think anyone has ever used the words “soul care” with me. > Peter: It doesn’t have to be like that. I work with people just like you, helping them slow down and notice that what God is doing for all these people, He wants to do for you, too, and at the same time, experience ministry from a place of peace, delight, and joy instead of burnout, stress, and exhaustion. > Rob: That sounds great. Tell me more. Give yourself some time to think through these five talking points. Find language that works for you. Let it come from your voice. What will feel most invitational to others is when it feels like it comes from your heart, when it comes from the confidence of your vocation and sense of who you are. These five pieces are such helpful tools whether you find yourself in serendipitous conversations or you’re setting up coffee meetings to share what you do. In some future pieces, we’ll explore some more ideas and takeaways for spiritual directors from *Book Yourself Solid*.